


Kepler's Laws

by fandomsnstuff



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: 2am conversations, Fluff, Gen, Late Night Conversations, The Chosen Squad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-19
Updated: 2019-09-19
Packaged: 2020-10-24 07:03:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 545
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20701892
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fandomsnstuff/pseuds/fandomsnstuff
Summary: It's 2am and Doctor Sarah Drake thinks she's real funny.





	Kepler's Laws

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this in like 30 minutes and didn't even read it over so it just is what it is

It’s 2 o’clock in the morning and Doctor Sarah Drake is slumped down on Park Ranger Duck Newton’s living room couch with the man himself and Local General Store Owner Leo Tarkesian. 

Why aren’t she and Leo at their own homes? They’re adults, they can be wherever they want to be. 

Where’s Minerva? That’s between Minerva and whatever deity she believes in. 

Where’s everyone else? God only knows. 

“How the hell are we going to integrate Minerva into society?” Leo asks out of the blue. 

“I mean,” Duck says, “if Mama could hide the Sylvans in plain sight for 30 years without any sort of government paperwork, she could probably sort something out for Minerva for us.” 

“How’d she even manage to do that?” 

“Do what?” 

  
  
“The Sylvans thing.” 

Duck shrugs. “I don’t know. Probably just told them not to do anything that requires ID. Like getting arrested.” 

Leo lets out a snort of laughter. Sarah grins to herself. 

“I don’t think that was too much of an issue, Duck,” she says. “Kepler’s only got three laws.” 

She looks over to see both men giving her perplexed yet curious looks. 

“Does it, now?” Duck says. 

Sarah grins wider. “Of course.” 

“Only three?” Leo asks, a note of amusement in his voice. 

“Well, there might be more, but there are three main ones.” 

“Oh, do tell.” Duck says. 

Sarah stands up from the couch and stands in front of the boys, looking like a professor ready to give a lecture (despite her messy hair and wrinkled clothes). She fixes them with a very serious look. 

“Now, what you gotta know about Kepler,” she says, with a very serious voice, “is that Kepler’s got three laws.” 

“ONE!” She holds out one finger, “the path of a closed orbit is an ELLIPTICAL SHAPE!  _ NOT A CIRCLE! _ ” 

“TWO!” She puts up a second finger, “orbiting objects will sweep out the same area in the same amount of time NO MATTER WHERE THEY ARE IN THE ORBIT!” 

“Uh-” 

“AND THREE!” Sarah interrupts Duck’s attempt to interrupt her, holding up a third finger, “The period of an orbit  _ squared _ is PROPORTIONAL to the  _ cube _ of the LENGTH of the SEMI MAJOR AXIS!” 

Duck and Leo watch her with perplexed expressions as she flops back down on the couch. 

“Sarah,” Duck says, “what the fuck was that?” 

“Hilarious is what it was,” she says, “you should be laughing right now.” 

Duck looks to Leo, “do you have any idea what just happened?” 

“No,” Leo says. 

Leo and Duck look back to her as she snickers. She looks up at them and laughs again at the sight of their confused (and slightly concerned) faces. 

“Kepler’s laws,” she says, “three laws on the nature of planetary motion, proposed by Johannes Kepler in the early 1600s. I’ve been making that joke since I learned them in my first year of university.” 

“That’s some fucking niche humour, Sarah.” Leo says. 

“I know,” she says, “but there’s gotta be at least a couple people out there who think it’s funny.” 

“In this town of dipshits?” Duck says, “good luck.” 

Doctor Sarah Drake laughs, Park Ranger Duck Newton laughs, Local General Store Owner Leo Tarkesian laughs, and everything is okay here, at 2am, on Duck’s living room couch. 

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> My only explanation is that I'm a physics major and I thought of this in my Astronomy lecture today and thought it was real funny


End file.
